Bones and Bones and Bones

We had our first snow day this week! Kevin also caught a flu, and I ordered Button's Christmas presents.
I was also in Clinical all week. I did a bandage change for a wound that was eroding way down into the tendon. The resident was really kind, it was very sad to see them in so much pain. In skills I'm going to end up taking a zero on our levels test. I'm rather depressed about it, since it was pretty much a 100 as long as you did them. But for that reason I'm sure she's weighting it less; I hope.
I have a few things to do to get ready for Christmas, mostly I'm just looking forward to the time off. I can't believe I'm more than a 1/4 of the way through this program. I'm still unsure about what is going to happen in June; I can not imagine spending another year in this place. That said, Kevin and I are putting down a carpet tonight.

HOLY CRAP!
Button is sitting herself up, all perfect and everything!!

I could've used another 5 days of vacation.
I've been mostly asleep since the beginning of the week. Today was was my day to bring breakfast got up lateish, made honey corn muffins that fell into little pieces and just decided I would bring breakfast on Monday.
We were given our midterm grades in Skills; 97.

I could really use a long back massage, and I'm dreading clinicals next week.
On the plus side, we are learning about the heart, and post opt care which is interesting stuff.

A man I took care of at Mercy is apparently getting really creepy about wanting me to come back. It's sad, I do miss him. But they are worried that it's not good for him to get attached to students.
Mrs. Riddell also said the likelihood of me being able to postpone a semester and come back was not good and that if I can stay in I should. On the otherside, I'm really dying to move out.

This weekend I start my poster boards of potential cities; each city will be listed with it's pros and cons what I can expect to make there, what I the housing is like, school available, pictures of the city/parks/transportation, activies, music scenes, coffeeshops, friend I have there. Living expense factors. All of it. And we will begin figuring out where we want to go come June/July.
Cites currently being considered: Portland, Seattle, Austin/Houston, Pittsburgh, NYC, Boston, Knoxville, and Chicago if you advocate on of the following, do feel free to share. :)

I am so embarrassed by my life sometimes.

I forgot to mention last week that the day after Mrs. Riddell spoke to our classes a girl in mine was terminally late and dismissed from the program. On Monday two more late, and one was so pissed with the politics of it she just quit. And today after coming back from lunch 4 girls weren't allowed to return for the afternoon session for being 2 minutes late. The whole thing is bat shit insane, and I'm really quite disturbed by it. The director is pretty clearly culling the program and instead of doing it up front with students she doesn't think can make it she's punishing everyone, so no one is allowed any lienancy what so ever.

That said, these last two days were very very easy, and I am so looking forward to this break.
Thanksgiving with the Lasher's on Thursday and two books to look over this long weekend.

I finished Nutrition with a 97; 100 on the final!

This week was incredibly wearing.
I went from batting a 100 in Nutrition to thinking I won't finish above a 95, all because I had to do a silly project my way. Really it was just a time management issue, which I should've been more careful with it, but I never budget enough out of class time to accomplish things, and I really need to accept that as a flaw and make sure I'm using my time in class.
On Tuesday morning, Mrs. Riddell the program director came in and yelled at both the classes about abusing our hours, speeding in the parking lot and generally not taking class seriously enough. Apparently, there have been some cheating issues as well as a few people who won't put their cell phones away. She cut back our breaks to 5 minutes because people (Kevin included) have been leaving the property to go smoke. I'm really pissed about it in general because it cut back my time to pump milk so I spent a good portion of the week engorged during the morning and then engorged some more during clinical.
Clinical; I'm now rotating with Mrs. Gebo who really intimidates me. She's friendly enough, and actually asked me about pumping because she's expecting a grandbaby in April. I'm giving her my extra pump and ideally I won't screw up too much in front of her. We don't do as much in her clinical though, almost no personal care. I did do a G Tube feeding. But all the same I feel like I don't have the benefit of being recognised as academic when I seem out of place in the clinical enviroment.
Friday night Kevin and I got in an arguement about what we're doing after we finish in June. Ideally, I want to convert a van and roadtrip till I find somewhere so paralyzingly beautiful I can't bring myself to leave and just set up there and be done with it for a while. He's not okay with this though, and proceded to tell me how impossible it would be and generally really negative. He got into a fight with Colin when we came home which has never happened before and Colin basically ripped him to shreds. I felt awful about it, I really had no place to stand up for him because the reason he and Colin got into involved him going behind my back; being all shady and whatnot. So even though I thought Colin was really harsh I couldn't stand up for him. That and he had been kinda rude to Colin. Kevin's been sort of down the rest of the weekend, but seems to be on the upswing now.
Tomorrow, in class I am having Thanksgiving Lunch with the rest of the womenfolk, I'm bringing Pumpkin Cornbread Muffins. Which I'm going to be baking in this next hour or so.

Last night Brittany stopped in with her puppy. Who was adorable and small and had the cutest little stuffed toy. She licked the baby and everything. We went on the shortest walk ever, but there wasn't too much sunlight so that had a lot to do with it. I miss the sun setting at 9pm.

Holy crap! I can't believe I'm almost a 4th of the way through this program already.
This week was pretty easy. I've seemed to have kicked up my grades a notch, I haven't gotten anything below a 100 in the last 4, 5? tests. Which is very exciting, I'm really very pleased with myself. I'm aiming to get a 100 in the Nutrition section. Today a girl in the class called some other girls out about a number of things that have apparently been going on for a while now. I was kind of baffled by it. I mean... I know I'm out of the social loop, I just didn't realize I was that far out. I also managed to stick my foot quite far down my own mouth today, eh, winsomelosesome; I am over it.
In skills this week we did all of the cathing information, so likely we'll get to mess with that next clinical week if the opportunity arises.
I'm also going to look into student loans this weekend, and I'm really considering moving to Watertown to avoid the snow this winter. I can think of at least 4 good reasons to do it. If I do take out a student loan, Kevin and I will definitely be moving.

This week was my last week of Clinicals at Mercy. I'm almost sad to go, but excited about moving on. I can't believe it's week 9 already.

Skills I performed at Mercy Clinicals-
Bandaging and wound care
Feeding patients
G-tube feedings
G-tube flushes
Colostomy care- observation
C-Tub Baths
Bed Baths
Occupied Bed Changes
Range of Motion Exercises
Oral Care
Peri Care
Cath Care
Hoyer Transfers
Vital Signs and Assessments
Weights

I also spent an afternoon this week at Geri-Psych, which is for the old crazies. It was extremely interesting, I got to spend most of my time there in the charts and it's so bizarre seeing how psych diseases age. Also, charting behaviors is a whole can of worms.
We began Nutrition this week in Mrs. Dupee's class and it really does tempt me to fore go moving to an RN level and just getting a BS in Nutritional Science.
One of the teacher's sons died in a car accident this week. She subbed for our A&P class just last week. There has been so much death this last week. A man I cared for just the other day in the hospital passed. The man who I did my chart for is still at CCU.

Weekends seems to be getting busier and busier.
Firstly, today is Kevin's birthday!

And now onto what happened last week.
I didn't have clinicals all week, which was very refreshing. On Thursday Brittany and I had lunch at Panera's. And I had an incredible week for pumping. Halloween was fun, we gave out candy at my father's. Button's sleep schedule is not quite back to what it was and with the time shift she and I are waking up at 4am. I'm wide awake and I can't wrap my mind around actually getting out of bed at that time, but I really should just start. Button also has discovered stuffed animals! One in particular.... Totoro!
November I'm doing good things for myself, I've officially gone back to a veggie diet! And I'm working out pretty regularly, with a goal to work out everyday this month. It looks like Kevin and Colin are planning on getting a treadmill which will be nice, I'm really interested in starting the Couch to 5k. I've also started NaNoWriMo, I'm not sure how far I'll get but I'm thinking of pushing my bed time back about an hour after Button goes to sleep.
In school we finished hygiene and personal care, and in AP we finished all of the nervous system. I wish I had more to say about class, but right now it feels like everything is something I already know;  or common sense. Everything from clinical is basically protected by HIPPA so I'm really not sure what to say about it.

I'm thinking about starting a nurtrition newsletter, would anyone here be interested in it?

I couldn't seem to find it in me to post over the weekend, but overall last week was exhausting. I had clinical from M-F; and at some point Button has gotten really strange with her sleep, she doesn't actually wake up in the night but has begun thrashing. So, overall it was very tiring.

In A&P we spent the whole week learning the Muscle System, the test was today and actually I think it went very well. I got a test back from Mrs. Jones from last Wednesday and that went phenomenally, I only missed one question which was a very stupid mistake and I can't think about it anymore.
In Skills we did a brief Nutrition chapter, but she didn't cover too much because Mrs. Dupee will be doing a whole Unit on it. November is Good Nutrition Month as well as National Novel Writer's Month. I plan to accomplish a lot this coming November, including continuing yoga everyday which I started earlier this month. I've missed two days, but other than that I've managed to keep pretty good momentum.

On Wednesday last wk Kevin and I had a court date for medical reimbursement, but it was thrown out basically as soon as the Judge saw it. And Thursday evening Brittany stopped by for a visit, and hopefully she and I will be getting together sometime this week during lunch.

For those of you who get prints made from a digital camera, where are you going?

This week was a little crazy because of the holiday. Columbus Day was spent mostly laying around the house and enjoying extra time with Button. Tuesday we were late from sleeping in, and Thursday we had to leave early for an appt. On Friday we went for a playdate at Thompson Park and all of my milk spoiled in the car when I traded my bags for Button. (Andrea, I'm sorry I didn't call you- I forgot to put your number in my phone I just kind of hoped that we'd find you up there. We were there from 3:15ish till about 4:30.)
The whole wk is kind of a blur, everything we did in skills had to do with making an immovable patient movable and immobalizing a broken patient. And all of A&P was the skeleton and next week we start the muscle system. Most of this is review for me because I did this course at JCC. I'm starting to look into RN programs and considering picking up extra NCLEX studyguides. If you know a good LPN- to RN bridge I wouldn't mind recomendations of places to look at.
I have clinicals all next week, and while I'm not exactly looking forward to I do want to get it under my belt.

Most exciting news:
Button is 4 MONTHS!!

Did you guys ever play spot the differences? A game like this...


Alright, now try it with this one:

This week was much better, especially coming up on a 3 day wkend. I received two separately wonderful comments from both my instructors this week, Mrs. Dupee called me clever. "Abigail -you have this cleverness about you, it will get you far in life." And Mrs. Jones told me she loved my sense of humor, which was actually way more relieving than complimentary since I thought I grated her wrong earlier in the day. I did really well over all this wk in both classes, 2 100's in A&P and my first 100 ever in Skills. So satisfying. A few class members suggested I go the route of biology instead of Nursing, and while it's something I'm considering I can do this now, and that's what really matters to me.
This week Kevin had clinical every afternoon, so we couldn't eat together. He was over at Samaritan, he actually _did_ a bandage change. And he didn't seem to enjoy clinical much more than I did. It really put him on edge, and he's wondering if being in school is worth it. We finally settled on that we probably won't be looking for jobs in Nursing homes. He's actually commenting in the background; what joy of being blissfully ignorant about what aging was like and lack of affinity for the elderly. Conversely, I love seeing how people age; I'm taking note of how important my health is to me.

Button also had a much better week than last, and I'm hoping to get into a morning routine of baby yoga with her. I've also book marked a bunch of 10 minute exercises on Netflix and this wkend I'm going to find the one that really works for me and start my mornings at 5 with that, then a baby yoga and Button can nurse, we can shower, I can make oatmeal. On Wednesday, I took a long lunch and watched Button during Mom's dentist appt. it was so nice seeing her midday, and she came in to meet my teacher.
I'm realizing despite my best intentions I'm only accomplishing really small goals. I haven't missed doing a weekly update since begining school which I'm quite proud of, though vague they at least note I had a week. Among other things, the weather was lovely, spooky and dark all week. Much rain makes me feel open to something more spiritual than the average day. I finally talked to Tara this week, she sounds beautiful in that far.far.away way. I'm considering buying one of these- mmcoffee. I bought the DONA doula package, I'm looking into IBLCE. And trying to figure out where I would like to do an RN program. We bought a cord of wood, and have had these yummy fires all week.
On a muchmuchmore interesting note, here were some pictures from Button's week.

I started clinicals this wk. And they are incredibly exhausting; in part because the teachers usually have 6wks in class with us before beginning and this semester the only had 3wks with us. Today, I did a sponge bath and occupied bed change. And was pretty much molested by the resident in the bed. Only a little horrifying. Also, it has motivated me in great ways: advanced directive- please, just let me die.

First wk of Clinical Accomplishments
*Observing the vaccum bandage care. We need to do an inservice before preforming ourselves, but it was neat.
*Observed a G-Tube feeding
*First Charting Assignment, Nursing Assessment and Note.
*Sponge Bath
*Occupied bed change

Kevin and I also received our CPR cards today, ... technically I get mine Monday, but we've finished the CPR/Red Cross AED blahblah. And I had my first AP test, which went well. [100!] And we started doing Nursing Assessments and Nursing Notes during clinicals.
This week was very hard on me concerning Button, I was miserable the WHOLE week. Everyday I was ready to bolt home and was super anxious all day. More over, Button was having a hard time at the house and she went on a mini bottle strike. Clinical also notably changed my pump output, or that's what I'm blaming first. Button's reduction of eating at the house could mean she is just readjusting how hungry she is.
On a happier note, Kevin and I have a new favorite show, Dexter. A few mornings this week we put it on as we woke up and it was really nice. Waking up all slowly, nursing Button and watching a serial killer do his thing. Kevin's class hasn't been at Clinical's so they are serveral ch. ahead in AP, he's been deemed the 'smart kid' in his class. I'm still relieved that there are not homework assignments.
Next wkend is our long wkend so it looks as if we might go spend at least part of it in Rochester.
I'm just ready to relax.

Finished ethics with a 97. I'm pretty happy about it. I'm also very happy that there is nearly no homework, it makes life a whole lot easier. We've moved onto A&P which is just a review subject for me, so this whole first semester is going to end up very light. On Monday I start clinicals! I'll be working with Elderly through these next 2 months and then moving to different areas of the hospital (maternity!) and different clinics around Watertown and Carthage.
Pumping at school has become fairly routine and I'm getting around 12 ounces a day. Which is working out, I'd like to be pumping closer to 15 but the timing doesn't seem to allow me quite enough to empty my breasts and clean up on my shorter breaks; I've been pumping on the way to and from school to make up the 3 ounce difference.  Button seems to be more okay with us being gone at the end of the week than at the beginning where she is confused why we've left.... again. She has cycled herself to sleep the last 2 or so hours before we come home so that she wakes up to us, it's quite sweet.
In other news, Button has met all of her 3mth mile stones. She met most of them last month, except for using her arms to prop herself up. Which she has started this last wk! Also, she's way ahead in regards to standing, and will stand herself up and even support herself walking/stepping if you hold her hands. Veryvery exciting stuff. Conclusion: my kid is a ninja genius of epic proportion and finally in vain Mummy news I was 131lbs this morning!

Things picked up this week, we had a test everyday except Monday. Both Kevin and I did very well, he slightly better than myself on Mrs. Jones's tests and I did better than him on one of Mrs. Dupee's. I have satisfied that if his grades are better than mine at least I will get to brag about him to the other students. It's fun being in class together, though we're not really together; did I mention that? They split us into two groups and he was not in mine. And on a side note there is a cute girl in his class that I think has a crush on him. (She has on 2 occasions now given me that- 'So you're the girlfriend' look where she does a mental comparison. And she also is kind of mean. Alright, she's downright rude, in that I'm half way joking at your expense kind of way. But she's very nice to Kevin with big smiles and laughs.) She snowboards so Kevin is thinking of asking her out at somepoint this winter, I'm kind of looking forward to seeing how it all plays out.
Our Ethics Final is next week, and I'm hoping to finish that whole portion with a 100%, of the three Ethics tests I've had a 100 on all. So I think I can manage it. After this though, we'll be picking up the A&P which I'm really looking forward to. And then later in the semester we will be switching to Nutrition. That said, being that I'm finishing the Ethics portion I'm really realizing that I don't believe in the practice of Nursing nearly as much as I do Naturopathy. I do believe I will finish out to the RN level, but ultimately I will move to dietetics or naturopathy.
With Mrs. Jones we've finished the most basic skills you need before entering the clinicals, asepsis/comfort care etc. I will be starting clinicals the 28th. I picked up a bunch of white shirts at Target today, and Mom said she would like to buy me a watch. I do need more pants, but I'm fairly certain I don't want to buy them through the people I bought the first ones from. If I can find the time I would like to make them myself, but I really don't see that happening. I do want to find the time to make Kevin some out of a really nice material like bamboo or linen for his birthday.

First week of nursing school is finished!
The first day of leaving Button was kind of relieving/exciting, in that I had time to think and just a general break which was kind of nice, but I ended up super freaking miserable the next few days. This morning though I started a new system which I think is going to help a lot; instead of getting up at 7 and getting ready to leave and being gone by 7:30 and missing her all day, I am getting up at 5 and spending 2 hours with her in the morning before I get ready and leave for school. By the time I leave I'm ready for a little break and it makes the day a lot easier. So I think that's going to be the schedule from now on.
Pumping is only sort of an issue at class, I get two 10 minute breaks and one 55 minute one. They are spaced really well, but there is no private room! So I've kind of been pumping in the lab behind a curtain. I'm not particularly modest so walkins don't bother me too much, but once the school year gets going and people will be in the lab full time I think the teachers are going to have me relocate for policy purposes. Annoying but doable.
I keep ended up engorged in my left breast, and for the last day and a half the whole breast feels bruised. I'm hoping it will clear up over the weekend and I can work out a better pumping regime so it stops happening all together. Even if it means leaving class for a moment to hand express a bit in the bathroom.
We start clinicals the 28th, and have to wear these awful polyester scrubs. I'm going to try to find the time to make some cotton ones. It shouldn't be too hard, but I have absolutely no time. Today our first assignment and quiz/test thingy happened, both went really well.

From:	James Adam Kessler (jakessler@wjkessler.com)
Sent:	Wed 7/29/09 12:20 PM
To:	Abby (teawithgail@hotmail.com)

http://wildammo.com/2009/07/27/unusual-paintings-of-obama-naked-with-unicorns/

Today WIC called and offered me a job as a Lactation Peer Counselor. Someone in the office mentioned that I was very pro-breastfeeding and that I seemed like a real advocate for the cause. I'm really excited, it's a very small position. Only about quarter time. I have clinic hours and possible home visits. The training is at the end of August, so I need to figure out how available I'll be alongside the nursing which begins in September.

Also, look at Button!


<3Tara

Baby was born Wednesday morning at 9:12am.
She is deliciously small and cuddly.

35wks, and officially off bed rest.

Preterm labor hospital visits are not fun.
I have a sneaking suspicion I have one of those slipper outer babies.

The rain is so lovely.

Oh, so warm.
This weather is delicious.

So, the biking fever started again; found the bike in the garage. Quickly remembered why I never got into riding this particular bike. Too tall, awkward breaking. Issues I don't want to have to combat while pregnant. A few minutes here and there, I'm sure I will get used to it. I wish Mom hadn't left our one bike at Lois's, but I think that one was a little tall too.

I feel weird actually confirming this openly; most updates about him are privately done. But last night was one of those can't sleep until this is somewhere with a decision made. I guess in the simplest version of it, I'm mean and he's a fuck up. He's ruined a lot of really happy things in my life and I seem to have an underlying hostility in most my interactions with him. It gets better, then worse, then a little better then worse than before.
I'm one of those people who sets up something in my head, if this happens it's really the last straw. If this happens, if this happens. Admittedly, I'm not the best at follow through with the last straw thing. I just get tired and rational about having my feeling hurt too many times. For months it has been in my head that when we begin sleeping separately that that is end, because really what really seem to keep us all wrapped up together is touching limbs.
There it is, Kevin climbing out of my nest and into his own, and not coming back.
And I'm just tired of having my heartbroken. Of being heartbroken. Like I've made mistakes that aren't going to stop being mistakes no matter how much energy I invest in them.
I'm disappointed and sad because I had so many dreams and hopes rushing around my head in regards to him. I'm not sure what to think about the baby right now, I've already had a much harder time letting this one seep into me; after spending months terrified of losing her. And she is all her father's energy, I note it constantly how alike they are in nature and spirit. And I feel so guilty and frustrated by these feelings of loss and desire, it's so hard having something I can so clearly identify as his child sitting into me, yanking my love around just as fickly. In a spiritual sense I can already see they are so easily in love and attached, the way I resonated with Turin; the immediateness of their affection for one another, is all so reminiscent and I grieve in every sort of way wanting that and not be able to feel as if this child was meant for me too, even the littlest bits of her seems devoted to him.
And I'm sure that sounds like unloving mother gibberish to most of you, I just want my baby back. It's hard feeling like I lost the child that was meant for me, and having it replaced with one that is meant for Kevin. 
Which is yet compounded with his coldness.

I feel as if everything that I'm touching is a crisis.

Busybusy.

I have my netbook back, I haven't quite gotten back into being online again. My internet addiction is waning. I've been sewing pretty regularly, and knitting an itty bitty baby hoody. Baby bump is fairly obvious, save wearing a giant coat I'm pretty obviously pregnant.
Things are going well at the house, except for the fact I've spent all too much money lately.
I could really use a goat cheese and honey sandwich.

I want to live near water, close enough to breathe salty everyday. With mountains and green. In a yurt, with lots of flowers, mats and rugs. And lots of people always visiting to make art, share good food and have sex.

Things are going well, I was given just under $5000 in school grants at the beginning of the wk, another $3000 should be coming soon here.  I feel so well prepared to be handed money, it's like the universe just responded- "Oh, and here's that 8k you were looking for." It's helped me sort out somethings as far as my plan for the next year. I'm the person I want to be right now; I'm doing well in school, I'm creating, reading, on occasion writing. I'm planning trips that I know will happen, I'm excited. I'm really excited, and I'm really happy to be myself, and in my skin.
I'm buying a few different cameras I've been lusting over for years, and going to [finally] buy an SLR so that I can easily take zillions of the baby.  I'm buying a serger so I can get seriously back into clothing design. I'm nearly positive I'm moving into an apartment I've been stalking for a few months, potentially rent free for the first few months. I have plans of reapholstering furniture, sewing mine and babies summer and fall wardrobes, making handmade soaps and shampoos. And this neat shoe pattern that I'm excited to try.
I'm half way through a degree (Early Childhood Dev.) I haven't even started yet, nor had ever planned too (I'm an Allied Health/Nursing Student). But it works out because it will keep me on task with baby. I don't plan on doing anything with the degree, just working it so I can be home with baby during that first year and few months. After which I'm just jumping into an LPN then doing an RN online. So, I guess it's really just an excuse to take a break with the baby for that first year. But it will be nice and welcome.
I'm still tempted to just get into the LPN program this Sept. and be done in May, but it's a hard decision and this is an easy one. I hope everyone else is doing really well. Today was a great day, aside from the cold which really just makes me want to move South, live out of a tent (bath at beaches and eat fresh fruit all the time.) I need a good pair of gloves, I want a vintage motorcycle. I did get two really nice pairs of pants today for $0.52.

Oh. And I love having a built in webcam, observe:








And of course, the bath. Because you'd never know it, but chances are if we're chatting on AIM I'm in the bathtub. It's my favorite place to AIM.

I told Dad I was pregnant, slipped it into the conversation as I scooted around him in the kitchen. He handled it much better than with the last pregnancy, we had a great supper and a generally good night. And here are a few 20ish wk photo pictures. I'm not really showing that much, but much, you probably couldn't tell unless you looked for it in most my clothes, but here in my leotard it stands out a bit. 

I'm on this tinytiny netbook.
It's wonderfully small and runs quickly, &&& oh, wow- it's so nice to have a computer again. (For those of you who didn't know, my laptop broke. I'm waiting on Anthony to find out if I'll be able to get all my pictures/music from my other harddrive.)
I'm behind in my math class, which is annoying- because it has nothing to do with the math, just the way the class is set up. I am seriously tempted to take up programming for the SOUL purpose of making decent educational software programs. I suppose I haven't tried that hard, since my laptop has been dead for weeks so I've kind of been offline. (It's an online class-) Meh. I just want my grades high enough so I can easily enter the RN program. I have to admit, I constantly wonder if it would be cheaper/faster to do the LPN into Nursing. 10 months night classes, then only 2semesters of Nursing after that.
I've been painting, and reading. And drawing. And quilting (a little.) And my brain is still pretty melty. I feel like I'm losing who I am at times, far a way from a version of myself I bring to mind when I think of me. I wonder how you hold on to that and continue to grow from it. What I should be concerned with holding onto and what naturally falls to the way side.
I miss Catherine so much lately, and hope sometime this Spring I will have a chance to see her.

tinybabykicks.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.
This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)
- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to repost. We can all make stuff!!

Manymanymanymany things.
I have exactly one module to do for my psych class and I'm finished. This doesn't mean much, other than that I don't have to waste a semester on a 100 class, which is getting frustrating. The book makes me want to vomit, I feel like I'm being patronized every time I open it. Unfortunately, this means that I've been using wikipedia instead of the text. Really, the text is that vomitous, I'm just glad I borrowed it instead of buying it.
On a humorous note, I made Dean's List. If you know what kind of student I am you'd be as amused as I was when I received the letter. It makes me hopeful about easy acceptance into a Nursing Program. <3

On New Year's Eve Nicole came and visited, then went up to Canada, on the 2nd Marc came down from Canada to visit. I wasn't a particularly interesting host on either occasion, but I enjoyed being in the company of people I usually only see through the other side of text box. It's a shame the two didn't coincide timing wise, because I think they would've really been interesting to listen to.

And that's mostly what I'm doing lately, listening. My own thoughts are caught up in the factory between my ears, and having a very hard time coming out. I'm slightly more angry than usual and haven't quite been able to articulate it (or anything else.) I have been sketching regularly which is perhaps where all my bark has gone.

On a random search last night I was looking at property in Newfoundland, CA. [I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home.]
Then while checking to see what sort of degree I would need to functionally work as a nurse in CA I found I'd need at least a BS. Which is thoroughly, whatever it is and then some. (timeconsuming)

So, in short- this morning/today was very hostile motivated to change somethings, as I said earlier: I trashed the bedroom today, and put everything back together different. I'm pissy when I'm not believed in, I always need more space. I'm just one of those people, I'll take over a room and never use it because it's not private; then I'll box my shit up and the room will suddenly be unmoved through for months. 
I took over the walk-in closet to the downstairs bedroom. It's freezing, but I figure I can some how make that useful, if nothing else it's completely private.

I have little voices in my head, saying malevolentinspiring things.
I trashed the bedroom today, and put everything back together different. I'm pissy when I'm not believed in, I swing between having so much and so little faith in people. I still have this idea in my head. Getittogether Getittogether.
At the end of the Spring semester I plan on switching into Empire State College. It's another SUNY school, but I'll be able to do things at my own pace/set up. Which appeals to me more than it should.
I don't hate the beaten path, it's just boring as hell. I realize my patience is not what it could be.
I would share with you more, but that requires intimacy that I only muster for private posts that seem inconsequential in a few months.